I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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