420 ftw
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
