i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize