Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
