i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I looked at my own cervix.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
