I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
