Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my being single is dangerous.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
