I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
