i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
