belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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