i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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