you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
