Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
