i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
