I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
