so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
