1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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