what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
