I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
