Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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