U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Michael Bay diarrhea
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
