I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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