just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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