I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Randomize
