I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Bring me that man meat
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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