I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
