Small penises have feelings too.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
