I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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