Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
