dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
