Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
