I wish I could teleport
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
