I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
