He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
