A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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