6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
