if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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