You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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