in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
