dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Also, beer. Big fan.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
