Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
