ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Text me some of your sweat
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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