Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
