i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
