Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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