her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
