The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
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No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
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I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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