you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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