The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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