you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
