He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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