I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
