i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize