And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
