then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
