im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
