the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
being pregnant is like rehab
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
