Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
