A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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