yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
