it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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