I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
