He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
