So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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