Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
