I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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