Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
