i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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