Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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