I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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