chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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