Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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