Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
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she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
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Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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