didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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