I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
