I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
