Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
