I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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