I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Green mimosas i think yes
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
