As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
