I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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