I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
